(This is a long blog post. But I get proposed to in it so it's worth the effort.)
Some people believe in love at first sight. I have heard, however, that it is possible, through technology, to fall in love with a person you've never even seen in one of the many chatrooms scattered throughout cyberspace. I don't know what these people are looking at when they fall in love. Maybe their mousepads. Maybe their keyboards. Maybe their USB drives. It's anyone's guess, really.
Apparently it works, and I've been having a dry spell lately, so I logged onto the Romance ICQ chatroom to test the phenomenon. Not wanting to appear too desperate, I went with the nickname: LoveMeNow.
It didn't take long for a potential suitor to pop up.
aussiesurf- hey
LoveMeNow- hey there.
aussiesurf- how r u
LoveMeNow- I'm wonderful.
aussiesurf- great 24 m qld here u?
LoveMeNow- 24 f brisbane
aussiesurf- me 2
aussiesurf- south side
LoveMeNow- I'm east.
aussiesurf- do you have msn at all/
LoveMeNow- Yeah, but i was just going to chat in here for now.
aussiesurf- oh ok well i was tinking maybe we culd chat in the future maybe
LoveMeNow- um.
aussiesurf- ok well its *******@hotmail.com if u wanna add me
LoveMeNow- ok, that's nice of you. thanks. i've gotta go now.
I felt kind of awkward and guilty for wasting some dude's time. It was a nibble, although not quite Eternal Love as promised by the 28th thing.
And then ...
mitchu- asl?
LoveMeNow- 24 f australia
mitchu- 27/m/nigeria
LoveMeNow- hi. how are you doing?
mitchu- what you look like
LoveMeNow- arms, legs ... torso. you know, the usual.
mitchu- are you pretty girl?
LoveMeNow- my mum says so.
mitchu- i want to mean business with you now
LoveMeNow- excuse me?
mitchu- i realy love you
LoveMeNow- score!!!!!!
This was it! Chatroom love was really happening!
mitchu- i need to marry
LoveMeNow- ok.
mitchu- am serious
LoveMeNow- sure. any conditions?
mitchu- i want you/ i can pay some.
LoveMeNow- i don't come cheap.
mitchu- at all cost....i will for U
LoveMeNow- well, give me a quote and we'll work from there.
mitchu- please write to me m*******@hotmail.com and sent pic and note that am serious
LoveMeNow- are you going to ship me over there by air or sea mail? Because i get kind of sea sick.
mitchu- i will give you father 100,000 shillings for you
LoveMeNow- well, shillings are great. but you should know my dowry is a pocketful of pennies, 2 pieces of gum and a 'Kevin '07' bumper sticker.
mitchu- - i will come over there instead...i will be back soon..please email me
LoveMeNow- - ok, well make sure you don't marry anyone else while you're gone because i've put my gum on the line for you.
I was ecstatic. All my dreams were coming true. Within 5 minutes, my paramour was back.
mitchu- is high time we began getting serious about this
LoveMeNow- hear hear! let us commence with the nuptials immediately.
mitchu- what is the meaning of that
LoveMeNow- it means... that i cannot face this world alone anymore. take me now, mitchu. take me now and let us be done with this playing around.
mitchu- that was a great suprise...my heart skip a bit...how can i get you my dear, how , tell me how....(more of poetry)
LoveMeNow- oh, you want poetry? ok. um Roses are red, violets are blue, you're incredibly entertaining and i am ... also trying.
mitchu- i mean, let me know how we can get together...currently am a degree holder in science...am tough
LoveMeNow- tough, huh? yeah, you science boys are real macho carrying around those heavy textbooks, i know.
mitchu- so you know that.....i carry heavy programming books
LoveMeNow- honestly? wow. how many books can you bench press?
mitchu- it depends on the moods
LoveMeNow- oh yeah. i understand; you're an emotional guy.
mitchu- am serious..i want you, i dream u?
LoveMeNow- yes, i dream too sometimes. you know, once i dreamed i drove a remote control wheelchair into a water fountain.
mitchu- am not emotional...why do u call me that? I want to get rich by marrying you and getting to live in Australia with you and working there
LoveMeNow- - i can hire you to polish my space bar.
Now we were really getting somewhere. Just had to work out the finer details. My new friend's connection got cut off and I feared the whole relationship was over, but soon he was back.
mitchu- please resend the msg
LoveMeNow- oh, i offered you a job polishing my space bar. but now, i'm feeling generous, and i'll pay you 3 shillings if you polish the whole keyboard.
mitchu- how do i get there, i promise to "polish" your keyboard and you very well......how do i get there
LoveMeNow- ok, you're gonna want to head south down your continent and then hook a left when you reach the ocean, travel about yea far, and then you'll see me standing there waving a polishing rag.
mitchu- i hope you got my words real clear.
LoveMeNow- yeah, i'm getting most of it, but you really should give up drinking during the day.
Ok, so that wasn't very loving. I really shouldn't have said that.
mitchu- you must be a fun girl...and eloquent indeed. Stop fooling me. Why don't you come over here. My family is the richest in the village and i assure you of a big bungulo for you and our family
LoveMeNow- actually, i'm sorry but i think we should break off our engagement.
mitchu- why break?? i want it that much
LoveMeNow- yeah, i'm sorry, but you know, i just feel we've grown apart in the last 3 minutes
mitchu- how is that possible...i thought we were actually getting into it more seriously
LoveMeNow- i just think you should find a nice girl where you're from and polish her keyboard.
mitchu- why not you...are u afraid?
mitchu- i can polish your keyboard verywell...am good at...i have done it before
mitchu- i would polish you keyboard with even my tongue to ensure that it is clean as the snow in aussland
LoveMeNow- hahahahahaha.
mitchu> what does u mean
LoveMeNow- i'm laughing. and my face hurts now.
mitchu- am about to go home...am currently at university
LoveMeNow- alright, you take care, mate. and remember, we're not engaged anymore but i will carry part of you in my heart forever. And by heart, i mean blog. so be well. have a good day.
mitchu- i be missing you
mitchu- do u love me?
mitchu- do u want me to be you future partner?
LoveMeNow- no. now go home.
Well, that was pretty amazing. My faith in love is fully restored. Try it for yourselves if you dare, 23 thingers.
4 comments:
Ok, you win the prize for the best laugh I've had while reading staff blogs. I'm single too, do you think your Nigerian keyboard polisher would like to be a toy boy?
oh dear, kath. haha! you could give it a shot. he seemed up for anything.
i don't think it would have worked out between me and him, anyway. our connection was purely broadband. ;)
I'm dating someone via computer at the moment, too. It's hard, though. We have an on-off-on-off-off-on-on-off-on again relationship.
haha. da bom bom ... tish!
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